8 Ways To Ruin Your Daughter's Love Life
by Delphina Evans
Summary: Messrs. Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs proudly present...8 Ways To Ruin Your Daughter's Love Life. You have been warned. [COMPLETE]


1**8 Ways To Ruin Your Daughter's Love Life**

by Caspia

**SUMMARY: **Messrs. Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs proudly present…8 Ways To Ruin Your Daughter's Love Life. You have been warned.

**RATING: **K+

**CHARACTERS: **James P., Sirius B., Remus L, Peter P.

**PAIRING/S: **implied James/Lily, implied Sirius/Female Population of Hogwarts.

**DISCLAIMER: **I own nothing.

**Messrs. Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs**

**Proudly present…**

**8 Ways To Ruin Your Daughter's Love Life**

**You have been warned.**

_Mr. Moony extends his greetings to the reader, and wonders vaguely why the reader is wasting his or her time reading this list._

_Mr. Wormtail welcomes the reader, and begs Mr. Moony to stop chasing away potential mischief makers._

_Mr. Padfoot greets the reader, and would like to point out that Mr. Wormtail and all of his dorky comments are chasing away potential mischief makers._

_Mr. Prongs waves at the reader, and wants to finish the list so he can get back to fawning over Ms. Lily Evans._

_Mr. Moony kindly points out to Mr. Prongs that Ms. Lily Evans is not interested in him whatsoever._

_Mr. Wormtail would like to ask Mr. Padfoot if he has a daughter._

_Mr. Padfoot wonders where on Earth Mr. Wormtail got such a disgusting idea, and that he is not involved in any activities that would result in a daughter. Yet._

_Mr. Prongs yawns and taps his quill impatiently._

**When a boy comes to pick your daughter up for a date, drag the boy into a dark corner and tell him that you have no problem going ****back**** to Azkaban.**

_Mr. Wormtail wonders if Mr. Prongs has ever been to Azkaban._

_Mr. Prongs kindly says that he will go to Azkaban if Mr. Wormtail does not shut his pie hole._

**When a boy comes over for dinner, slip the boy Veritaserum and ask him what his ****true**** intentions with your daughter are.**

_Mr. Moony asks Mr. Padfoot if any of his girlfriends' fathers have ever tried this on him before._

_Mr. Padfoot turns bright red and asks Mr. Moony to mind his own business._

**Charm the back of the boy's jacket to say, "If I kiss this girl, 'Crucio' me."**

_Mr. Padfoot would like to point out that if Mr. Moony ever had his jacket charmed like that, he would never get Crucio'd._

_Mr. Moony would like to point out that Mr. Padfoot would be in St. Mungo's if his jacket was ever charmed like that._

**Pull the boy aside and show him your rather impressive "sharp-and-pointy-objects-that-can-hurt-you-fatally" collection.**

_Mr. Wormtail wonders if Mr. Padfoot has such a collection._

_Mr. Padfoot begs Mr. Wormtail to realize that if he did have such a collection, he would have used it on Mr. Wormtail ages ago._

_Mr. Moony threatens Mr. Padfoot with a date with Judy Midgen if he does not stop teasing Mr. Wormtail._

_Mr. Padfoot says he would rather go out with the giant squid than with Judy Midgen._

**Hire armed security trolls to follow the boy and your daughter around on dates.**

_Mr. Prongs would like to point out that hiring Severus Snape would be the closest thing to hiring a troll._

_Mr. Moony wonders how on Earth the boy and the daughter would be able to enjoy the date with such a git following them around._

_Mr. Prongs says that scaring the boy is exactly the point._

**Change your daughter's curfew to three seconds after she leaves the house. "1…2…3…oh, time's up!"**

_Mr. Padfoot would like to say that Mr. Wormtail cannot even count to three._

_Mr. Wormtail defends that he does know how to count. 1…2…_

_Mr. Padfoot reminds Mr. Wormtail that the next number is three._

_Mr. Moony is searching for Judy Midgen and is unavailable for comment at the moment._

**Whenever the boy is at your house, where a t-shirt that says "Remember this face. You'll see it in your nightmares."**

_Mr. Prongs says that every girl's father sees Mr. Padfoot's face in his nightmares._

_Mr. Padfoot reminds Mr. Prongs that every girl dreams of his(Mr. Padfoot's) face._

_Mr. Wormtail would like to point out that Ms. Lily Evans does not dream of Mr. Padfoot's face._

_Mr. Prongs says that Ms. Lily Evans is dreaming of his face._

_Mr. Padfoot is laughing hysterically on the floor and is unavailable for comment at the moment._

**And finally...**

**Cry hysterically when the boy comes to pick up your daughter.**

_Mr. Padfoot says that Mr. Wormtail can do this easily, as he is the biggest crybaby in Hogwarts._

_Mr. Wormtail sniffs and denies the crybaby rumor fervently._

_Mr. Prongs is sick of Mr. Padfoot and Mr. Wormtail and begins searching for his "sharp-and-pointy-objects-that-can-hurt-you-fatally" collection._

_Mr. Wormtail is whimpering in a corner and is unavailable for comment at the moment._

_Mr. Moony would like to remind everyone that the reader is STILL READING THE LIST._

…

_Mr. Padfoot apologizes._

_Mr. Wormtail apologizes._

_Mr. Prongs apologizes._

_Mr. Moony rubs his throbbing temples._


End file.
